Sugar Free Gum?

The idea of sugar free gum has been somewhat of a novel concept to me since ... well, since braces (I went two and a half years without eating a single piece of gum - how's that for self-control?) But sugar free gum seems like it defeats the purpose of my sugarless summer. Technically, it should be allowed - but the idea is to get rid of the "sweet tooth" crutch. Is it possible to follow the letter of the law without following the spirit of the law? And if so, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is that?

Let's get a story to give context to this question.

It's high school gradnite and I'm in a van full of kids who are all drinking Monsters (another sugar free gum type of issue) and eating candy bars. Somewhere along the drive up from SD to LA, the massive beach bag full of twix and snickers bars gets thrown directly into my lap. After fondling the candy bars individually for several minutes and coming up with possible "exception" rules, I finally throw the bag back over the seat (I felt like an alcoholic bypassing a free cocktail party.) I did not, however, get rid of the Orbit gum in my back pocket. It's a sugar free gum but it still tastes sweet, and it definitely eased the pain of saying 'no' to those candy bars. Should gum go on the 'banned' list too?

. . . Okay, the rest of the story has no relevance to the question at hand, but it's once we get to Disneyland that it really gets interesting, so I'm going to keep narrating.

Disneyland has a policy for gradnite - I call it "lockdown". In order to keep drugs and dealers off the facilities, anyone entering the premises has to go through a full-on security check point (much like the ones we see at the airport, but without the metal detectors, making the whole process substantially less cool.) Two items made illegal during gradnite: clothing with names or emblems on them ... and gum.

I had just turned down chocolate and I was in no emotional state to be parted with my gum. So as they divided the men and the women into two lines for pat-down inspection, I decided to smuggle the gum inside.

This was a tricky process. The guards weren't being consistent in their inspection routines so I couldn't trace patterns or count on constant factors. Sometimes they'd make people take their shoes off and sometimes they wouldn't. I couldn't put it in my shoes. Sometimes they checked your coat pockets and sometimes they didn't. Pockets were out of the question. After some discussion with my chaperon (she was definitely on-board with the idea) we managed to find a hiding place for my gum: tucked between the folds of my sweater and my T-shirt. There were two problems: if I moved the gum would fall, and if I took my jacket off you could feel the gum in the pat-down.

It was my turn to approach the security guard - a crusty looking elderly woman. I did my best to look cute. She was about to do the pat down when she noticed my jacket. What I didn't realize about my jacket when I put it on that morning was that the back of it is completely covered in Aeropastle symbols. "You're going to have to turn this inside out," she said in a tone that I know Minnie Mouse would not approve of. "Yes, ma'am" - still trying to look cute there. If I took my jacket off, the gum would fall, and even if it didn't, she'd find it in the search! (Can you feel the suspense building?) The only thing I could think to do was stall (I owe so much to years of cross-examinations).

"Should I take the coat off now?" "You can take it off now." "Can I leave it with my chaperon?" "Yes, you may." "Is it okay if I just don't wear it at all?" "Just keep it inside-out." "Okay, should I do that now?" "You know what, just move along and do it over there."

Yes. She forgot to pat me down.
I was feeling super guilty for my scam, but I had my gum. And I wore my jacket inside-out all night to make up for my smuggling.

I guess, all this is to say, I'm tempted to keep sugar-free gum on the 'allowed' list - but then I guess this story proves that I'm not one to follow the spirit of the law.