Sugar Free Gum?

The idea of sugar free gum has been somewhat of a novel concept to me since ... well, since braces (I went two and a half years without eating a single piece of gum - how's that for self-control?) But sugar free gum seems like it defeats the purpose of my sugarless summer. Technically, it should be allowed - but the idea is to get rid of the "sweet tooth" crutch. Is it possible to follow the letter of the law without following the spirit of the law? And if so, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is that?

Let's get a story to give context to this question.

It's high school gradnite and I'm in a van full of kids who are all drinking Monsters (another sugar free gum type of issue) and eating candy bars. Somewhere along the drive up from SD to LA, the massive beach bag full of twix and snickers bars gets thrown directly into my lap. After fondling the candy bars individually for several minutes and coming up with possible "exception" rules, I finally throw the bag back over the seat (I felt like an alcoholic bypassing a free cocktail party.) I did not, however, get rid of the Orbit gum in my back pocket. It's a sugar free gum but it still tastes sweet, and it definitely eased the pain of saying 'no' to those candy bars. Should gum go on the 'banned' list too?

. . . Okay, the rest of the story has no relevance to the question at hand, but it's once we get to Disneyland that it really gets interesting, so I'm going to keep narrating.

Disneyland has a policy for gradnite - I call it "lockdown". In order to keep drugs and dealers off the facilities, anyone entering the premises has to go through a full-on security check point (much like the ones we see at the airport, but without the metal detectors, making the whole process substantially less cool.) Two items made illegal during gradnite: clothing with names or emblems on them ... and gum.

I had just turned down chocolate and I was in no emotional state to be parted with my gum. So as they divided the men and the women into two lines for pat-down inspection, I decided to smuggle the gum inside.

This was a tricky process. The guards weren't being consistent in their inspection routines so I couldn't trace patterns or count on constant factors. Sometimes they'd make people take their shoes off and sometimes they wouldn't. I couldn't put it in my shoes. Sometimes they checked your coat pockets and sometimes they didn't. Pockets were out of the question. After some discussion with my chaperon (she was definitely on-board with the idea) we managed to find a hiding place for my gum: tucked between the folds of my sweater and my T-shirt. There were two problems: if I moved the gum would fall, and if I took my jacket off you could feel the gum in the pat-down.

It was my turn to approach the security guard - a crusty looking elderly woman. I did my best to look cute. She was about to do the pat down when she noticed my jacket. What I didn't realize about my jacket when I put it on that morning was that the back of it is completely covered in Aeropastle symbols. "You're going to have to turn this inside out," she said in a tone that I know Minnie Mouse would not approve of. "Yes, ma'am" - still trying to look cute there. If I took my jacket off, the gum would fall, and even if it didn't, she'd find it in the search! (Can you feel the suspense building?) The only thing I could think to do was stall (I owe so much to years of cross-examinations).

"Should I take the coat off now?" "You can take it off now." "Can I leave it with my chaperon?" "Yes, you may." "Is it okay if I just don't wear it at all?" "Just keep it inside-out." "Okay, should I do that now?" "You know what, just move along and do it over there."

Yes. She forgot to pat me down.
I was feeling super guilty for my scam, but I had my gum. And I wore my jacket inside-out all night to make up for my smuggling.

I guess, all this is to say, I'm tempted to keep sugar-free gum on the 'allowed' list - but then I guess this story proves that I'm not one to follow the spirit of the law.

Mi Coffee Es Su Coffee

I've long had suspicions about the effects sugar has on my cheery, good-natured personality. Today was not only the first real test of my Endurance (capitalized for effect) but also a shocking look at what the next few months could bring. My mom, sister#1, and I were driving home from a (:insert event:) and sister#1 had the bright idea to grab some Starbucks via drive-thru.

Wait.. I forgot to set up the scene for you. I'm the one driving.

Okay, back to they story. Mom had a headache so she decided caffeine was a good idea (I know, I'm still trying to figure that out too), so we pulled around the side of the Starbucks building, narrowly missing the ordering-microphone-thingy (then I over compensated and swung so far around the building that I had to put the car in park to lean out and grab the drinks from the window.) But none of that is important to the story (nor is the fact that we used THREE separate gift cards to pay for the purchase). What's important is that I had to special order two delicious drinks knowing I wouldn't be getting any for myself. I then had to hand the drinks to sister#1 and my mom. Not a single sip.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself when I drove away from the Starbucks, nearly running the red light directly across from the store (coffee shop? I don't know how to refer to Starbucks in slang terminology yet.)

Unfortunately, the "sugar drive" was having a bad effect on my system. I could feel myself getting cranky; I wanted to speed up on the highway, to cut across the double yellow-lines just because; I wanted to listen to country music! Things were looking bleak.

(I should mention that I have a horrific reputation as a driver.)

That's when my mom, already suffering from a headache, managed to glimpse the brake lights ahead of us before I did. Between throbbing head pains, caffeine, and the "Mother Instinct" she developed an overwhelming need to begin screaming unintelligibly (I vaguely recall making out the word "brake"). Red lights blurred together on the highway like raspberries in a delicious tart. Next thing I knew I was crying and mom was fuming and sister#1 was laughing somewhat maniacally, clutching her caramelized grande Java Chip frappeccino.

Folks, it's going to be a long Summer.

Cookie Monster

Being naturally competitive and a bit of an over-achiever (revised: a HUGE over-achiever) I potentially could take over the world...were it not for the fact that I have no self-control. Literally none.

This lack of self-control can be seen in my inability to drag myself out of bed to turn off the alarm clock (and in my rebellious subconscious as I learned how to turn the alarm off in my sleep), in my habitual procrastination, and in my unswerving accuracy as I prey upon helpless cookies left over in the cabinet.

Yes, it's true. If I see a cookie, I WILL eat it. There is no stopping me. In fact, if the cookie had a twin, I'd eat it too. Sure, I'd regret eating said cookies, but deep down I know that even in a parallel universe, I'd eat them anyway (depending on how good they were - who knows, I might only eat one.)

All this to say, something must be done. If I'm truly to become a world-taker-over, I must gain some self-control. Which is why I plan to participate in the "S" nutrition challenge this Summer: no sugar, no snacks, no sodas, no seconds.

I'm bound to get a little bit stodgy and probably pretty snarky as I attempt to survive in a world full of milk without an oreo to float on - that's why I have this blog. It's my lifesaver ... lifesavers, mmmm - NO! It's starting already! Lol, I will resist.

Anyway, June 1st - food accounted for? cheese cube, crackers/salomi, McDonals, beef slices. not the greatest menu, but no sugar!

One day down, ninety-one to go. =)